Saturday, November 25, 2017

The Christmas Tree Stand

            The Christmas Tree Stand:

            This lone solitary item has ambushed more pleasant Christmas memories than any belligerent four year old at Grandma’s house ever could.

            The stands of yesteryear applied physics to the situation; three points of pressure should hold the tree up, right? The math is sound, the theory is correct; but nobody told the tree, and sometimes over it would go. If it hit the cat on the way down there was a very brief momentary smile, but very brief.

            It seemed that the bigger the tree the more likely the stand was just for watering and you’d be roping it to the walls for stability. A five gallon pail at this point would have been a better choice; it would have at least cut down on the watering trips, and the size of the water stain would have been greatly reduced.

            But alas, there is bright spot upon the horizon of this necessary evil that would rob us of the joy brought forth in this season; the center post tree stand. A lot of tree places have this system, whether it’s a tree lot or a farm.

            The design is simple, three outward legs all welded to a tapered pin. The tapered pin is the key to this whole thing. A tapered drill bit is used to make a tapered hole in the bottom of your selection that has been placed atop the machine that does the drilling. You stand back, and tell the person holding your tree, when it is upright and straight atop this drilling machine. You give the nod and he drills the hole. If seasonal eggnog is consumed prior to this activity the vertical posture of your tree could be greatly compromised.

            The best part of this stand is when you get it home; you just lay the tree on its side, pop the stand and its very generous bowl into the drilled hole, and stand it up; Walla! Dad’s happy, Mom’s relieved, the Kids breath a little easier, and the cat and its possible misfortune  is no longer the reason for  that brief momentary smile.

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